There's just times in life, whereby things just don't go the way you want.
& when you thought that life got better, it's actually the other way around.
Times when you put all your hopes on a few of the people in your life, and they let you down.
This year is really a bumpy year for me, it's mid 2014 now, but every month seemed to be bad.
When will things change and get better?
That kind of feeling just ain't right.
Dear god, if this is your punishment, when will you be done?
I'm struggling in me, everything seemed to be haywire.
Even my feelings, i've never felt so lost, so down before.
Why do people pull you up and let you down again?
When will people start be true to us?
Or is the problem just me?
Maybe i'm born in a wrong generation, friends just seemed to come and go.
When you think they'll be there for you, they're worth it, they just go all out and break your heart.
Or is it that life's like that?
They make promises and before they could fulfill them they just break it all down right in your face.
These kind of feelings, are just the worst ever.
Or perhaps the problem is just me, perhaps i'm never worth it.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
What would you do?
When you have someone that seemed to have taken you for granted for months and suddenly comes back to you telling you that he have repented and would want another chance, what would you do?
What would you do if he used treat you super nicely and something happened and changed him totally, the way he treat you, the way he speak to you, the way he communicate with you?
What would you do if he is always telling you the same thing that he have repented and will change for the better but everything seemed to be always happening again and again?
What would you do if he told you that he have regained his faith and love for god and he wants you to trust him again?
What would you do if you know that deep in him, that person who took you for granted the past few months isn't him?
What would you do if throughout this entire period of time that he took you for granted, it was one of the worst time of your life and he wasn't there for you and you didn't even have the courage to tell him how you feel exactly at that point of time?
What would you do if someone else was with you throughout the entire time when he took you for granted?
What would you do if this person is with you throughout the entire period when you're at a loss and you have no one to confide to except your parents?
What would you do if that someone is a good friend of a super precious person in your life that have passed on?
What would you do if you knew that this person was facing many risks because he decided to be with you throughout the duration but yet still decided to stand by you throughout the entire duration?
What would you do if you knew that he ignored the risks of being called an asshole by people around him and people around yourself just because he decided to stand by you, to be there for you when there seemed to be no one?
What would you do if that someone took the risks of tarnishing his own reputation and risks of losing you as a friend but still put in all his effort to treat you right?
What would you do if he told you that he is willing to be your meat-shield no matter what risks he is facing and no matter how badly his reputation will be tarnished because he knew you were really vulnerable and weak at that point of time and he just wanted to protect you?
What would you do if he tells you that he doesn't mind all the bad things that will happen to himself to just be with you?
What would you do if he tells you that he loves you with all his heart and that he really want to treat you right?
What would you do when all these happened so fast?
What would you do if you're confused?
What would you do if you're afraid of relationships then already?
What would you do now if you've already grew tired of relationships?
What would you do and how would you react if you're afraid and unsure?
What would you do if you're scared because no one else have done the same to you and told you the same things that he have told you?
What would you do if you don't want to hurt him?
What would you do if you find him a gem?
Oh, what would you do then?
What would you do if he used treat you super nicely and something happened and changed him totally, the way he treat you, the way he speak to you, the way he communicate with you?
What would you do if he is always telling you the same thing that he have repented and will change for the better but everything seemed to be always happening again and again?
What would you do if he told you that he have regained his faith and love for god and he wants you to trust him again?
What would you do if you know that deep in him, that person who took you for granted the past few months isn't him?
What would you do if throughout this entire period of time that he took you for granted, it was one of the worst time of your life and he wasn't there for you and you didn't even have the courage to tell him how you feel exactly at that point of time?
What would you do if someone else was with you throughout the entire time when he took you for granted?
What would you do if this person is with you throughout the entire period when you're at a loss and you have no one to confide to except your parents?
What would you do if that someone is a good friend of a super precious person in your life that have passed on?
What would you do if you knew that this person was facing many risks because he decided to be with you throughout the duration but yet still decided to stand by you throughout the entire duration?
What would you do if you knew that he ignored the risks of being called an asshole by people around him and people around yourself just because he decided to stand by you, to be there for you when there seemed to be no one?
What would you do if that someone took the risks of tarnishing his own reputation and risks of losing you as a friend but still put in all his effort to treat you right?
What would you do if he told you that he is willing to be your meat-shield no matter what risks he is facing and no matter how badly his reputation will be tarnished because he knew you were really vulnerable and weak at that point of time and he just wanted to protect you?
What would you do if he tells you that he doesn't mind all the bad things that will happen to himself to just be with you?
What would you do if he tells you that he loves you with all his heart and that he really want to treat you right?
What would you do when all these happened so fast?
What would you do if you're confused?
What would you do if you're afraid of relationships then already?
What would you do now if you've already grew tired of relationships?
What would you do and how would you react if you're afraid and unsure?
What would you do if you're scared because no one else have done the same to you and told you the same things that he have told you?
What would you do if you don't want to hurt him?
What would you do if you find him a gem?
Oh, what would you do then?
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Outrageous Love
So today i came across this video, and many thoughts filled my mind. I knew i had to write something about it. And so here's what i have to say, about the video. The link is below. Sorry that i didn't embed the whole video in, my computer can't seem to fetch the embed code.
http://vimeo.com/92598755
This is a extremely deep and meaningful video. It touches my heart so much. So many things that i can relate to. One of which, guys & pornography. Many guys would say that it's normal for men to watch pornography, saying that everyone's watching it. But hey, it's not true, i know people who doesn't watch it. To you guys, it might just be for mere pleasure, but for your girlfriend, do you actually know how hurt she'll be when she finds out what you're watching, and it's worst when you lie that you are not watching it.
Some may argue, why am i so against guys watching pornography, i'll just say this, i'm not against it, just not in favour of it. To me, if a guy watches pornography and tells the gf or wife that he'll not cheat when another woman approaches him, i'll not believe it. Because if you are tempted to watch pornography even when it's not real, you'll be even more tempted when a girl strips infront of you or when she does intimate acts to you, and so you'll just carry on with it.
And when you're attached or married, you have desires for the girls you watch in pornography or videos, may i ask, where's your respect for your girlfriend? Of coz, some will say i'm overthinking and imagining things, but think deeper, how will she be feeling. To you guys it's a small matter, but to some of us girls, it's a big issue, and in the eyes of god, that's adultery.
Life is like that, it's a win-win situation.
Guys, if you want a good girl that's homely and lovely and have the most demure mindset and the nicest inner qualities, you jolly well be a good partner and treat her right.
Don't be a total arsehole, go around partying, approaching girls, looking at girls who dress sexily and skimpily, enjoying other girl's company and enjoying the pleasure of having fun behind your demure girlfriend's back. Really. It's really going to hurt the girl real bad.
If you want to have fun, get someone that's similar to yourself. If you love partying, get a gf who loves partying, but at the same time, don't expect her to stay home and be that good girl when you are partying, because it's not going to happen.
What you do is what you get, if you want something, you'll got to sacrifice something, there's always opportunity costs.
And to be honest, arseholes are the hardest to forgive, so please, don't be one............................
Cherish them.
http://vimeo.com/92598755
This is a extremely deep and meaningful video. It touches my heart so much. So many things that i can relate to. One of which, guys & pornography. Many guys would say that it's normal for men to watch pornography, saying that everyone's watching it. But hey, it's not true, i know people who doesn't watch it. To you guys, it might just be for mere pleasure, but for your girlfriend, do you actually know how hurt she'll be when she finds out what you're watching, and it's worst when you lie that you are not watching it.
Some may argue, why am i so against guys watching pornography, i'll just say this, i'm not against it, just not in favour of it. To me, if a guy watches pornography and tells the gf or wife that he'll not cheat when another woman approaches him, i'll not believe it. Because if you are tempted to watch pornography even when it's not real, you'll be even more tempted when a girl strips infront of you or when she does intimate acts to you, and so you'll just carry on with it.
And when you're attached or married, you have desires for the girls you watch in pornography or videos, may i ask, where's your respect for your girlfriend? Of coz, some will say i'm overthinking and imagining things, but think deeper, how will she be feeling. To you guys it's a small matter, but to some of us girls, it's a big issue, and in the eyes of god, that's adultery.
Life is like that, it's a win-win situation.
Guys, if you want a good girl that's homely and lovely and have the most demure mindset and the nicest inner qualities, you jolly well be a good partner and treat her right.
Don't be a total arsehole, go around partying, approaching girls, looking at girls who dress sexily and skimpily, enjoying other girl's company and enjoying the pleasure of having fun behind your demure girlfriend's back. Really. It's really going to hurt the girl real bad.
If you want to have fun, get someone that's similar to yourself. If you love partying, get a gf who loves partying, but at the same time, don't expect her to stay home and be that good girl when you are partying, because it's not going to happen.
What you do is what you get, if you want something, you'll got to sacrifice something, there's always opportunity costs.
And to be honest, arseholes are the hardest to forgive, so please, don't be one............................
Cherish them.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Friends
Well, i haven't been blogging much these days.
I'm in Year 3 now, time flies so fast. Remember those days when i always complain about life and exam stress in school etc.
Well so currently i'm in the TEP Program of Nanyang Polytechnic. There's two stopovers for this program and for the first seven weeks i was actually over at the Business Research Centre. Learn lots of market research techniques etc.
The best part of this program? It's a definite answer. The friends that i've made throughout the entire 7 weeks. Well, i've never thought that we would grow this close to each other, but well we were all fated to meet and meant to stay together as best of friends.
Even now that we are all at different stopovers, we still meet for lunch and gatherings which is honestly really heartwarming.
Although these two weeks aren't good for me, but i've met many good people as well and i thank god for that.
I've learnt to be happy and contented with my life. :)
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Bullying : Thy Process & Overcoming
Something happened tonight and it triggered me to post this post after so many months of hiatus.
The triumph card was in my hand, i can totally ruin the person and speak up for the innocent, but the opportunity cost were way too high. One part of my mind asked me to do it, but the other part of me told me to not do so. All these led to so many thoughts in my mind. The deepest secrets and never before told life story of mine......
------
Ever since i was a child in primary school, i was a victim of bullies.
I remember those primary school days when i would spend all my pocket money purchasing sweets and snacks for people to 'buy' friends, but obviously it failed. I was really fat when i was in primary school, when i was 10, i was standing 145cm but weighing at 70kg. I was called a names, i am always the one that's left out from the rest of class. Well, everyone at the age are harmless, so except for the normal name-calling, things were fine for me. Except that i had few or rather, no friends. Well but at that point of time, i was still a young girl that's naive and easily contented, being fat was never a issue for me.
Things became challenging when i was proceeded to secondary school and the polytechnic.
Secondary school was one of the toughest time of my life. For everyone at the age, it was the time that puberty played a big part in our life, girls are becoming beautiful swans, guys are at the process of becoming perfect gentlemen. Well, for my generation, it was also the time when people start having crushes and falling in love with the opposite gender without knowing what love is. Well, at least for me, at that time, things were that way.
However, I was at my fattest at that point of time, standing 160cm weighing close to 80kg (well not many people knew that, or should i say, even my mum doesn't know i was that heavy). So obviously even if i had someone in mind that i would love to speak to, i wouldn't have the courage to. Moreover the guy, my very first crush of my life, was the top student of his cohort and a sportsman as well. My confidence was at the lowest at that point of time. What made my secondary school life more terrifying were the girls in my cohort and the things they've done to me during my 4 years in school.
I was cyber-bullied, my blogs, my Facebook, my Twitter got flamed every single day without fail. They were all filled with anonymous hatred and threatening messages to me. At the point of time, i was just a 13 year old girl, i was helpless. Even when i knew who were the ones that's behind all these, i wasn't able to prove that they were the ones. The school couldn't do anything about it as well, things were beyond control. There were also times when random girls will just walk pass me, glare at me and start criticizing and laughing at my size and my look.
However, due to all these bullying, my self-esteem was right at the bottom, i go to school unwillingly and not knowing what will be in store for me at school prepared by the bullies. I was also given life-threats outside of school, making me afraid of leaving school and leaving home. Friends and classmates that knew of such things happening to me left me, not wanting to be part of it. Few friends stayed. But eventually due to my insecurities and possessiveness (perhaps due to my lack of confidence), they left me as well. So i went through the 4 years of secondary school with fear, no one knew that i supposed, i'm always putting up shows to my peers and teachers that i'm full of confidence and strong. The truth is that, during that four years, it was the worst of my life. Living in fear and darkness, helpless.
So after the four years, it was time for me to proceed to the polytechnic. I was happy when i completed my last O levels paper, i thought i was free from living in days of fear. I thought i am able to get to know a whole new group of people, to start a whole new life. I went on diet, managed to shed some kilos. Life seemed better. But when i first stepped into my very first polytechnic course, my heart sank. I got into the same class with this particular girl that hates me to the core and was part of the bullies in my secondary school. So life in SIT was not good at all. There was no way for me to make friends at all. Well, that girl was slim and she wears a whole lot of makeup to school, so you know, guys at that age loves such girls, and girls at the age wouldn't dare to go against her. So i was left out, bad rumours about me spread like wildfire within weeks. My life was once again in darkness.
So during the second year in polytechnic education, i took a great step in life. I quit my SIT course, forfeited my first year of studies, and went over to SBM hoping to start a new life.
Well, this course was definitely easier than SIT, but the thing here is that, i was in the top class during my first year and a few people there are like 'hunters', they will do whatever they can to make sure they get that distinction. Well, i made a really good girl friend there, told her almost everything about me, but eventually i got lied to, betrayed, and hurt. Still remember how i saved up to get her that Citigems gem set for her birthday, but eventually when she received it, she simply didn't appreciate it. Instead of a simply " Thanks", she sort of reprimanded me for buying her such present. Well, at least after that i was able to see where i stand in her. Lesson learnt, but heart was broken.
Well, during that period of time, i was busy with work, had my own blogshop to maintain and had to run errands every single day after i end school. Wasn't able to mix with any of the classmates except for that bestfriend (that betrayed me in the end). So eventually i was labeled by a few of the people in class that i am "arrogant, unfriendly, bossy, attention-seeking". But the ironic thing is that, this bunch of people had never once till now spoke a single sentence to me, and they hate me that much.
Well, how much do they hate me? Well, you'll be amazed. They'll post statuses about me on their Facebook, posting things to defame me, talk negative things about me in class openly when i'm not around, they even know what i want to become when i graduate and use it as something to criticize me about. And oh, they talk about me in their daily conversation with each other, not only face to face but also through IM, follow me on all social networking websites and always keeping themselves updated about my daily life so that they can talk negative stuffs about it. Well, many things that they are doing shows pretty much of Jealousy within them, about what i have achieve in life, in which they haven't. They'll talk about what i wear every single day, able my position in my jobs, they things i'm doing, my company etc. But hey, there are still a few great coursemates out there ! :)
Well, simple talking and gossiping is fine for me, but this one particular guy went out of board.
This particular guy, well, he is rather confused with what he is doing i should say.
Well, this is a summary, this particular guy deleted me from his Facebook, so that he could post negative statuses about me, insulting and humiliating me of my looks and my achievements till date. But the irony is that, if the posts are for me, why do you delete me and post them? Are you afraid? Well, high chance you are really afraid.
I wouldn't want to post his name here because i wouldn't want to do what i don't want others to do to me. But this particular guy wants to criticize but is extremely afraid of me finding out about what he is posting, simply because he can't afford to do anymore wrong things, if not he'll be sent straight back to the boys home. Well, he knows we all know that. For him, he bullies everyone that he think that they would not retaliate, but well, i will. He'll post racist remarks about others (which is a highly punishable case in Singapore) and he'll post insulting and humiliating remarks about others including me in his Facebook. Well, of course, i'm not stupid, all statuses are captured.
With this amount of evidence, i can tarnish him anytime. All i needed was to wait for the right time.
----
Today was the day, i was given a perfect chance to tarnish his image with all the evidence i've gathered. I was tempted. I could have exposed him and help the innocent ones that are bullied. But well, i cooled myself down and thought about it.
If i were to do this, yes, high chance I'll get him sent back. But what for? At what opportunity costs? Others will be affected as well. If i was to do it, i would be the same as him. I quickly went to the Facebook Community Safe Heaven that i founded to help people that are facing cyber-bullying cases, look at those inspirational quotes and advices i've written for others, i told myself, let it go. Let him go, let all these anger go away, God will bring justice one day. I shall not do what i do not want others to do to me. I shall be forgiving. I've stood up and recovered from bullying, my job is to help others and not harm others, so i shall let it go.
I know many polytechnic mates and lecturers will be reading this, but these are my real thoughts, i don't want to hide anymore.
To the guy, you know who you are. Perhaps you'll be laughing to this post. But if you really are repentant after leaving the boys home and determined to study hard in the polytechnic for your parents, please stop creating troubles, really. You can choose to react negatively to this, you can laugh your ass off to this, thinking that i'm not pursuing anything against you because i simply cannot. But here's what i want to tell you.
Many things you do behind people's back, you think it's fun, and it's funny. You think that the other party doesn't know, but you're wrong. Or perhaps you know that we know about it, but we can't do anything about it, but you're wrong. I can do many things to you, but i've decided not to, because i'm telling myself to forgive you. For all the bad things you've done to me, i shall let it all go. You're smart academically, but there's still people out there that's way better than you, so don't be overconfident. You're smart, so don't waste it. Don't waste you life doing such things behind people's back, it's just gonna ruin your life all over again. I choose not to name you, because i don't believe in publicly shaming people. Only people that know you and what you're doing to me will know this, and i hope you'll know what to do from now on. Really, for once now, bring down all your pride, ask yourself, what do you gain doing such things? Fun? Aren't you tired? Well, this is your life, i can't say much. It's really up to you. Please stop doing bad things to harm others.
But for me, all i can say is, i forgive whatever you've done. I'm letting them all go today. I feel so much better now.
I thank god for answering my prayers during that time when i was looking through Safe Heaven, I thank god for leading me to good instead of bad at the moment. I also thank god for that few great polytechnic friends that are still there for me when i need them.
Goodnight lovelies. I love you all. :)
PS: Sorry for the typos or grammar errors if any, it's 3am in the morning . hahahah!
-----
" God will judge the evil doer. Our anger must not block our confidence in God’s ability to defeat evil. "
~Psalms 52 Theme
The triumph card was in my hand, i can totally ruin the person and speak up for the innocent, but the opportunity cost were way too high. One part of my mind asked me to do it, but the other part of me told me to not do so. All these led to so many thoughts in my mind. The deepest secrets and never before told life story of mine......
------
Ever since i was a child in primary school, i was a victim of bullies.
I remember those primary school days when i would spend all my pocket money purchasing sweets and snacks for people to 'buy' friends, but obviously it failed. I was really fat when i was in primary school, when i was 10, i was standing 145cm but weighing at 70kg. I was called a names, i am always the one that's left out from the rest of class. Well, everyone at the age are harmless, so except for the normal name-calling, things were fine for me. Except that i had few or rather, no friends. Well but at that point of time, i was still a young girl that's naive and easily contented, being fat was never a issue for me.
Things became challenging when i was proceeded to secondary school and the polytechnic.
Secondary school was one of the toughest time of my life. For everyone at the age, it was the time that puberty played a big part in our life, girls are becoming beautiful swans, guys are at the process of becoming perfect gentlemen. Well, for my generation, it was also the time when people start having crushes and falling in love with the opposite gender without knowing what love is. Well, at least for me, at that time, things were that way.
However, I was at my fattest at that point of time, standing 160cm weighing close to 80kg (well not many people knew that, or should i say, even my mum doesn't know i was that heavy). So obviously even if i had someone in mind that i would love to speak to, i wouldn't have the courage to. Moreover the guy, my very first crush of my life, was the top student of his cohort and a sportsman as well. My confidence was at the lowest at that point of time. What made my secondary school life more terrifying were the girls in my cohort and the things they've done to me during my 4 years in school.
I was cyber-bullied, my blogs, my Facebook, my Twitter got flamed every single day without fail. They were all filled with anonymous hatred and threatening messages to me. At the point of time, i was just a 13 year old girl, i was helpless. Even when i knew who were the ones that's behind all these, i wasn't able to prove that they were the ones. The school couldn't do anything about it as well, things were beyond control. There were also times when random girls will just walk pass me, glare at me and start criticizing and laughing at my size and my look.
However, due to all these bullying, my self-esteem was right at the bottom, i go to school unwillingly and not knowing what will be in store for me at school prepared by the bullies. I was also given life-threats outside of school, making me afraid of leaving school and leaving home. Friends and classmates that knew of such things happening to me left me, not wanting to be part of it. Few friends stayed. But eventually due to my insecurities and possessiveness (perhaps due to my lack of confidence), they left me as well. So i went through the 4 years of secondary school with fear, no one knew that i supposed, i'm always putting up shows to my peers and teachers that i'm full of confidence and strong. The truth is that, during that four years, it was the worst of my life. Living in fear and darkness, helpless.
So after the four years, it was time for me to proceed to the polytechnic. I was happy when i completed my last O levels paper, i thought i was free from living in days of fear. I thought i am able to get to know a whole new group of people, to start a whole new life. I went on diet, managed to shed some kilos. Life seemed better. But when i first stepped into my very first polytechnic course, my heart sank. I got into the same class with this particular girl that hates me to the core and was part of the bullies in my secondary school. So life in SIT was not good at all. There was no way for me to make friends at all. Well, that girl was slim and she wears a whole lot of makeup to school, so you know, guys at that age loves such girls, and girls at the age wouldn't dare to go against her. So i was left out, bad rumours about me spread like wildfire within weeks. My life was once again in darkness.
So during the second year in polytechnic education, i took a great step in life. I quit my SIT course, forfeited my first year of studies, and went over to SBM hoping to start a new life.
Well, this course was definitely easier than SIT, but the thing here is that, i was in the top class during my first year and a few people there are like 'hunters', they will do whatever they can to make sure they get that distinction. Well, i made a really good girl friend there, told her almost everything about me, but eventually i got lied to, betrayed, and hurt. Still remember how i saved up to get her that Citigems gem set for her birthday, but eventually when she received it, she simply didn't appreciate it. Instead of a simply " Thanks", she sort of reprimanded me for buying her such present. Well, at least after that i was able to see where i stand in her. Lesson learnt, but heart was broken.
Well, during that period of time, i was busy with work, had my own blogshop to maintain and had to run errands every single day after i end school. Wasn't able to mix with any of the classmates except for that bestfriend (that betrayed me in the end). So eventually i was labeled by a few of the people in class that i am "arrogant, unfriendly, bossy, attention-seeking". But the ironic thing is that, this bunch of people had never once till now spoke a single sentence to me, and they hate me that much.
Well, how much do they hate me? Well, you'll be amazed. They'll post statuses about me on their Facebook, posting things to defame me, talk negative things about me in class openly when i'm not around, they even know what i want to become when i graduate and use it as something to criticize me about. And oh, they talk about me in their daily conversation with each other, not only face to face but also through IM, follow me on all social networking websites and always keeping themselves updated about my daily life so that they can talk negative stuffs about it. Well, many things that they are doing shows pretty much of Jealousy within them, about what i have achieve in life, in which they haven't. They'll talk about what i wear every single day, able my position in my jobs, they things i'm doing, my company etc. But hey, there are still a few great coursemates out there ! :)
Well, simple talking and gossiping is fine for me, but this one particular guy went out of board.
This particular guy, well, he is rather confused with what he is doing i should say.
Well, this is a summary, this particular guy deleted me from his Facebook, so that he could post negative statuses about me, insulting and humiliating me of my looks and my achievements till date. But the irony is that, if the posts are for me, why do you delete me and post them? Are you afraid? Well, high chance you are really afraid.
I wouldn't want to post his name here because i wouldn't want to do what i don't want others to do to me. But this particular guy wants to criticize but is extremely afraid of me finding out about what he is posting, simply because he can't afford to do anymore wrong things, if not he'll be sent straight back to the boys home. Well, he knows we all know that. For him, he bullies everyone that he think that they would not retaliate, but well, i will. He'll post racist remarks about others (which is a highly punishable case in Singapore) and he'll post insulting and humiliating remarks about others including me in his Facebook. Well, of course, i'm not stupid, all statuses are captured.
With this amount of evidence, i can tarnish him anytime. All i needed was to wait for the right time.
----
Today was the day, i was given a perfect chance to tarnish his image with all the evidence i've gathered. I was tempted. I could have exposed him and help the innocent ones that are bullied. But well, i cooled myself down and thought about it.
If i were to do this, yes, high chance I'll get him sent back. But what for? At what opportunity costs? Others will be affected as well. If i was to do it, i would be the same as him. I quickly went to the Facebook Community Safe Heaven that i founded to help people that are facing cyber-bullying cases, look at those inspirational quotes and advices i've written for others, i told myself, let it go. Let him go, let all these anger go away, God will bring justice one day. I shall not do what i do not want others to do to me. I shall be forgiving. I've stood up and recovered from bullying, my job is to help others and not harm others, so i shall let it go.
I know many polytechnic mates and lecturers will be reading this, but these are my real thoughts, i don't want to hide anymore.
To the guy, you know who you are. Perhaps you'll be laughing to this post. But if you really are repentant after leaving the boys home and determined to study hard in the polytechnic for your parents, please stop creating troubles, really. You can choose to react negatively to this, you can laugh your ass off to this, thinking that i'm not pursuing anything against you because i simply cannot. But here's what i want to tell you.
Many things you do behind people's back, you think it's fun, and it's funny. You think that the other party doesn't know, but you're wrong. Or perhaps you know that we know about it, but we can't do anything about it, but you're wrong. I can do many things to you, but i've decided not to, because i'm telling myself to forgive you. For all the bad things you've done to me, i shall let it all go. You're smart academically, but there's still people out there that's way better than you, so don't be overconfident. You're smart, so don't waste it. Don't waste you life doing such things behind people's back, it's just gonna ruin your life all over again. I choose not to name you, because i don't believe in publicly shaming people. Only people that know you and what you're doing to me will know this, and i hope you'll know what to do from now on. Really, for once now, bring down all your pride, ask yourself, what do you gain doing such things? Fun? Aren't you tired? Well, this is your life, i can't say much. It's really up to you. Please stop doing bad things to harm others.
But for me, all i can say is, i forgive whatever you've done. I'm letting them all go today. I feel so much better now.
I thank god for answering my prayers during that time when i was looking through Safe Heaven, I thank god for leading me to good instead of bad at the moment. I also thank god for that few great polytechnic friends that are still there for me when i need them.
Goodnight lovelies. I love you all. :)
PS: Sorry for the typos or grammar errors if any, it's 3am in the morning . hahahah!
-----
" God will judge the evil doer. Our anger must not block our confidence in God’s ability to defeat evil. "
~Psalms 52 Theme
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Paper
It's been months since i've last posted a blog post. Well, many things happened and many of the times i've got the urge to blog about it but in the end i've decided not to. Perhaps because they are all pretty emotional.
Well it's the examinations period now for Nanyang Polytechnic and yes, as usual I am studying really hard for the papers. Or should i say, i feel really stressed up these days. Well through the 19 years of my life, i've learnt many things. The happiness, joy and good things about living as well as the bad things about being alive.
Well in Singapore, one of the things i've realised is that we will really 'die-off' slowly if we do not have 'papers'. I mean literally paper.
Let us take a walk down the route of life.
When our mothers are pregnant, most likely she'll find something amissed when she missed her period. Perhaps 95% of them would purchase the pregnancy test kits to test if the results were 'positive' or 'negative', and well, these kits are made of plastic on the exterior and litmus paper as the interior where the urine is to be drawn onto for the test. ( if my science teacher taught me the correct stuffs ) .
When our mothers are indeed pregnant, she'll be brought over to the hospital for thorough check up and all these costs money, and money is another form of paper. Others may say, what if we pay by credit card or by cpf, well all the transactions comes with a final invoice and they are all made of paper. All these checkups throughout the 9 months cost a bomb. Imagine if our parents have not money, what would've happened. Poor them.
When we were born, the moment we come out of our mothers, our parents will go over to the counter and get the documents ready to apply for our citizenship and retrieve our birth certificate. Imagine if our parents didn't register us into the system, we will have no identity, we will have nothing to prove that we are part of Singapore. However with this piece of paper that seems so worthless, we were identified as Singaporean in no time.
When we go into the kindergarten, our parents 'fight' for places to get us into the best childcare in Singapore or perhaps the best in the neighborhood. When registering, if our parents do not bring our birth certificate, no registration could be done, this is the power of that paper that seems so worthless.
During our period in kindergarten, majority of the parents would force their child to take up talent program, eg : swimming, singing, piano, etc. Reason being so that their child could stand out from the rest. After all these program, all the hard work the child put into learning the talent no matter how much he hates it, he'll just get one piece of paper to 'prove' that he have passed the test and with this piece of paper that seem so worthless their parents could show it off to their friends and gain themselves more 'face' and its something for them to be proud of. So much for a piece of certificate.
Years later, when it's time for primary school registration, parents spend days queuing outside prestigious school trying to get their child into the school. Some parents even go to the school to be parent volunteers years before their child turn 7 in order to secure a place for their child but failed to do so. Some parents even tried to use the power of paper ( money ) to try to gain 'back door entry' for their child. Well, should i say from what i heard, some succeeded with the power of paper. Well, majority don't but paper still made some wonders there.
Upper Primary, this is the time when the child face tons of stress, facing assessment books and exam papers every single day. And by facing all these paper products, and doing them, their main objective is to get the very last piece of paper which is the PSLE certificate for them to be able to proceed to secondary school life.
When they got into secondary school, the same thing goes again, facing assessment books and exams, and the ultimate goal is just for that bloody piece of o level / n level certificate to get them to the next level of education.
All these goes in a cycle and keeps repeating itself as long as the student stays in school.
At the end of the day, all they need to get is a certificate stating the he/she has this level of education.
This is the time when different pieces of papers meant different things, when you work hard and get better grades, you'll get a better piece of paper, this piece of paper brings you to the best few companies in the world, and as everyone knows, this piece of paper brings you the ultimate piece of paper that you've all along been working for and this is MONEY.
Well, many says that certificate is the gauge of the amount of money you'll have when you grow old, many say that people with no 'paper' will have no luxury of having the ultimate paper in their hands. Well, it personally i feel it's not true.
Look at all the successful people in the world, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, they are all dropouts and they hate studying. Ahh well, at this time, some will tell me they belong to the other era. Alright, well perhaps it's true.
But sometimes looking at people around me mugging their brains out of their heads and their fingers off their palms, i would like to ask, are all these worth it ? Just for a piece of bloody useless paper ?
Well as for me, i'm studying very hard to get my diploma and in the future a degree not because i believe in the saying that 'study hard then will learn a lot of money' , but i treat studying and getting the degree a form of respect to my parents. I mean they fed me till i'm so round and fat, i believe they would really hope to see me get that final piece of paper and using that to get more papers like MONEY, HOUSE (the paper shows the house is yours), and even nowadays the super expensive COE.
I personally feel that education certificate is not a key to earning the 'ultimate paper' MONEY. Reason being, there are so many people that are industry nowadays, really successful but they aren't really educated.
Humans should know that mugging and studying like crazy to get a worthless piece of certificate is not as important to humans having experience and lifeskills. If one doesn't have lifeskills and experience, he will fail in life no matter how many certificates they have in life. EQ is = to IQ, we humans need to know that.
So in conclusion, life isn't about mugging/working yourself away to get the certificates ( worthless piece of paper ) to get the ultimate paper ( the money ), but it's about how you'll be able to get the money happily and smartly without having to kill all your braincells.
Yes, life is about paper, but only one kind of paper , and it's MONEY.
Well, don't judge me too fast, I'm not saying that money is everything, but hey, let's be logical, if you have money and you'll sad, you'll be able to get something with the money to cheer yourself up. But if you don't you'll just feel lousy and you'll forever be worrying about when's the next meal.
So people, be smart. Earn money in a smart way. Don't do the nerd style, it's not gonna work out. Trust me.
Well it's the examinations period now for Nanyang Polytechnic and yes, as usual I am studying really hard for the papers. Or should i say, i feel really stressed up these days. Well through the 19 years of my life, i've learnt many things. The happiness, joy and good things about living as well as the bad things about being alive.
Well in Singapore, one of the things i've realised is that we will really 'die-off' slowly if we do not have 'papers'. I mean literally paper.
Let us take a walk down the route of life.
When our mothers are pregnant, most likely she'll find something amissed when she missed her period. Perhaps 95% of them would purchase the pregnancy test kits to test if the results were 'positive' or 'negative', and well, these kits are made of plastic on the exterior and litmus paper as the interior where the urine is to be drawn onto for the test. ( if my science teacher taught me the correct stuffs ) .
When our mothers are indeed pregnant, she'll be brought over to the hospital for thorough check up and all these costs money, and money is another form of paper. Others may say, what if we pay by credit card or by cpf, well all the transactions comes with a final invoice and they are all made of paper. All these checkups throughout the 9 months cost a bomb. Imagine if our parents have not money, what would've happened. Poor them.
When we were born, the moment we come out of our mothers, our parents will go over to the counter and get the documents ready to apply for our citizenship and retrieve our birth certificate. Imagine if our parents didn't register us into the system, we will have no identity, we will have nothing to prove that we are part of Singapore. However with this piece of paper that seems so worthless, we were identified as Singaporean in no time.
When we go into the kindergarten, our parents 'fight' for places to get us into the best childcare in Singapore or perhaps the best in the neighborhood. When registering, if our parents do not bring our birth certificate, no registration could be done, this is the power of that paper that seems so worthless.
During our period in kindergarten, majority of the parents would force their child to take up talent program, eg : swimming, singing, piano, etc. Reason being so that their child could stand out from the rest. After all these program, all the hard work the child put into learning the talent no matter how much he hates it, he'll just get one piece of paper to 'prove' that he have passed the test and with this piece of paper that seem so worthless their parents could show it off to their friends and gain themselves more 'face' and its something for them to be proud of. So much for a piece of certificate.
Years later, when it's time for primary school registration, parents spend days queuing outside prestigious school trying to get their child into the school. Some parents even go to the school to be parent volunteers years before their child turn 7 in order to secure a place for their child but failed to do so. Some parents even tried to use the power of paper ( money ) to try to gain 'back door entry' for their child. Well, should i say from what i heard, some succeeded with the power of paper. Well, majority don't but paper still made some wonders there.
Upper Primary, this is the time when the child face tons of stress, facing assessment books and exam papers every single day. And by facing all these paper products, and doing them, their main objective is to get the very last piece of paper which is the PSLE certificate for them to be able to proceed to secondary school life.
When they got into secondary school, the same thing goes again, facing assessment books and exams, and the ultimate goal is just for that bloody piece of o level / n level certificate to get them to the next level of education.
All these goes in a cycle and keeps repeating itself as long as the student stays in school.
At the end of the day, all they need to get is a certificate stating the he/she has this level of education.
This is the time when different pieces of papers meant different things, when you work hard and get better grades, you'll get a better piece of paper, this piece of paper brings you to the best few companies in the world, and as everyone knows, this piece of paper brings you the ultimate piece of paper that you've all along been working for and this is MONEY.
Well, many says that certificate is the gauge of the amount of money you'll have when you grow old, many say that people with no 'paper' will have no luxury of having the ultimate paper in their hands. Well, it personally i feel it's not true.
Look at all the successful people in the world, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, they are all dropouts and they hate studying. Ahh well, at this time, some will tell me they belong to the other era. Alright, well perhaps it's true.
But sometimes looking at people around me mugging their brains out of their heads and their fingers off their palms, i would like to ask, are all these worth it ? Just for a piece of bloody useless paper ?
Well as for me, i'm studying very hard to get my diploma and in the future a degree not because i believe in the saying that 'study hard then will learn a lot of money' , but i treat studying and getting the degree a form of respect to my parents. I mean they fed me till i'm so round and fat, i believe they would really hope to see me get that final piece of paper and using that to get more papers like MONEY, HOUSE (the paper shows the house is yours), and even nowadays the super expensive COE.
I personally feel that education certificate is not a key to earning the 'ultimate paper' MONEY. Reason being, there are so many people that are industry nowadays, really successful but they aren't really educated.
Humans should know that mugging and studying like crazy to get a worthless piece of certificate is not as important to humans having experience and lifeskills. If one doesn't have lifeskills and experience, he will fail in life no matter how many certificates they have in life. EQ is = to IQ, we humans need to know that.
So in conclusion, life isn't about mugging/working yourself away to get the certificates ( worthless piece of paper ) to get the ultimate paper ( the money ), but it's about how you'll be able to get the money happily and smartly without having to kill all your braincells.
Yes, life is about paper, but only one kind of paper , and it's MONEY.
Well, don't judge me too fast, I'm not saying that money is everything, but hey, let's be logical, if you have money and you'll sad, you'll be able to get something with the money to cheer yourself up. But if you don't you'll just feel lousy and you'll forever be worrying about when's the next meal.
So people, be smart. Earn money in a smart way. Don't do the nerd style, it's not gonna work out. Trust me.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Greed.
Greed is a bad thing.
When you do things out of greed most of the time it will go wrong.
Even when the offer seems too good to be true, you chose to pick it up and continue on with it.
You end up facing serious consequences.
Losing money, losing a good friend or losing your family for greed.
When it comes to greed, everything that's associated to it seems to be negative.
But strangely even when everyone knows the negative consequences of being greedy, they still continue on being greedy and do things just for greed.
There are various forms of greed. For money, for affection, for love, for attention, for fame, for food, for almost everything that is measurable by quantity.
Siblings rivalry occurs when both kids fight for the attention and affection of the mother, very often they fight for attention and affection not because theirs mummy don't give it to them, but because they want more of it.
Relationships breakdown because one party hopes for the other to give them more care, affection, love and concern, again, not because the party didn't but because the other party wanted more of it out of greed.
People who intend to startup a business, even when they know that the deal provided is too good to be true, yet because of wanting to MaxiMise profits and make more money, decided to take the risk of sending the money overseas and the stocks didn't appear at all. This businessperson made a huge lost, just to earn a little more.
Men goes partying, drinking, womanizing, sleeping around, not because they don't love their wife or partners, but because they feel they needed something fresh, someone better, someone sexier, hotter, prettier to themselves, but in the end, not only will they lose their money, they are putting their relationship and marriage in a big risk. Just for more fun.
Women go on dating with various men even when they are in a relationship with a man, not because the man is not capable enough, not because she don't find him loving enough, it's because of influence from friends and media, it's because they have the mindset that they will eventually still be able to find someone more capable and richer than their current, because they needed more affection and attention, because only by having a capable partner, they will be able to be the winner in the circle of friends she's hanging out with,
Women become prostitutes, sugar babes and social escorts, not because they have no money for even a meal, not because they don't have the daily necessities that she should have, not because she doesn't have bags to carry her stuff to school, clothes to wear, it's because she wanted more than this, she long for her branded bags, branded apparels, branded shoes, luxurious cars and big houses.
Celebrities wannabes goes under the knife not because he or she is not attractive enough, it's because they want to look perfect, they want to stand out from the rest, they want to fit into the crude society when people judge you based on looks, they wanted more fame.
So all the above situations are shows that most of the time, people do things not because they really need it, but instead the do it because the want MORE of it, yes MORE, and the word that best describes all the scenarios is GREED.
But to be honest, greed brings you nothing but a broken self.
Siblings that fight and relationships worsen even till ten twenty years later, perfect relationship and marriage breakdown, losing yourselves and betraying your own perfect body that god gave to you, losing hard earned money just to get a little more profits, spend tons of money but yet got yourself a failed plastic surgery that you got to live with the entire rest of your life, all for GREED ?
Yes, a moment of greed a lifetime of regret.
It is not worth to lose so much just for a moment of greed, think before you act, learn to love live more. Life simplest pleasure ~~
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