Alone

There's just times in life, whereby things just don't go the way you want.
& when you thought that life got better, it's actually the other way around.
Times when you put all your hopes on a few of the people in your life, and they let you down.
This year is really a bumpy year for me, it's mid 2014 now, but every month seemed to be bad.

When will things change and get better?
That kind of feeling just ain't right.
Dear god, if this is your punishment, when will you be done?
I'm struggling in me, everything seemed to be haywire.
Even my feelings, i've never felt so lost, so down before.

Why do people pull you up and let you down again?
When will people start be true to us?
Or is the problem just me?
Maybe i'm born in a wrong generation, friends just seemed to come and go.
When you think they'll be there for you, they're worth it, they just go all out and break your heart.

Or is it that life's like that?
They make promises and before they could fulfill them they just break it all down right in your face.
These kind of feelings, are just the worst ever.

Or perhaps the problem is just me, perhaps i'm never worth it.

Lies after lies

To me, you were fine. You were really nice. You were like one of the best I've ever seen. I would talk to others about you, how awesome you are and all.

However good things don't last isn't it? Day by day, as I grew up, as time passes. I saw your YouTube account, you posted stuffs that weren't really nice to me, you said it was for you to gain subscribers, to gain views, to earn extra income. I thought, okay, perhaps that's the case. You were still that really fine person in my mind.

It was only till months after that , I realized that you are often searching for such things online to view, and to share with friends of yours. To me, it's hurting and disgusting. You weren't like what I thought you were . Spoke to you and i cried and you said you'll stop, you'll change. Once again, I trust you, yes, with all my heart.

Then I chance upon your phone, I saw a pretty prominent app. It's one app that you know it's really not appropriate to have on your phone. I spoke to you about it and you claimed you downloaded it out of curiosity. I was disappointed once more. I chose to forgive and continue on like usual.

Then here comes another day I chance upon your browser history and found out what websites you were viewing, those websites that you promised me that you'll stop visiting, those promises that you've given to me, you've broken them all, all over again. I told you how disappointed I was this time round, in your face, seriously, and you asked for my forgiveness. And yes, i gave in again. Once again, I let it go. Believing that you won't break the promise again.

Then it was today, I chance upon your YouTube subscriber history again. You subscribed to some really really disgusting channels. It shows clearly that what you promised to me were just to coax me.

This time around, what are you going to tell me again?? I really wonder.

Lies after lies, broken promises . One after another. How much more can I trust you? If watching all these is really part of you, you're hooked to it, you don't watch it you will die, then don't give me stupid things like you will stop. Why leave me with empty promises. Why promise me when you know you're gonna break it?

Why hurt me when you are the closest to me?? Why lie?? You know how much it breaks my heart ?

It's heart wrenching, it's heartbreaking, it's disappointing, it's everything. Talking to you over this and crying over it doesn't seem to help anymore right??

Why do you lie? You're making me hate you, which I really don't want to. But why do you do things like that, why do you choose to hurt me?

I know haters are gonna feel happy after this post, they might be laughing their hearts out, but I really don't care. It's been so long since I posted something that's really close to my heart. I just need to write this down somewhere.

It's 2am now, I'm coughing like mad, with fever of 38 degrees, but yet I've got so much in my mind.

Perhaps I should stop caring.

I can't stop my tears from flowing now. :(

I want the best out of you, you mean everything to me.