Faith :)

It's been so long since I've posted something here.

So many things happened these few months. Exams, holidays, work. It was pretty tiring.

Experienced many different things and met many different people. Friends come and go.

A blink of an eye, I'm going on to the next chapter of life in nanyang polytechnic. Year two of marketing. Hopefully all goes well for me. Specializing in public relations, hoping to meet more interesting people and learn more about life, and survival.

This period while I was away, I lost someone so close to me. Someone who loved me with all his heart but eventually changed I guess. Someone who was once part of me. But I guess god has his plans, and he wasn't part of god's plan for me. Yes I admit, I do miss him every now and then, but he will be a reminder to myself, to cherish the people around me more . To learn to love, forgive and care. He is just one chapter of my life.

But i always believe, when god decided to shut the doors on one side, he will open another side for me.

I've also met people that were extraordinary, people who care and love me for who I really am. People who share the same traits as me, people who I know will always be with me. Well at least I really hope it will be the way I see it.

Through work, I've met many people. Young to old, rich to poor. Heard many different life stories and I realized how lucky I am. I've learnt to appreciate and cherish people that's with me and things that I have. I've learnt to love life. I also saw how important education is for us the younger generation and I see how hard parents are working in order to just send their kids to school.

Through all these, I've learnt to see the world in a larger perspective, I've learnt to open up, to love, to care, to find peace and create joy for everyone that's with me. I've learnt to live a better life. I learnt to have faith in life and towards others. I became a better person.

I've always doubted the existence of god. But let me be truthful to myself, I've prayed to god when i was at the lowest period of life, when no hope was left, when i was almost giving up, and i seeked for help thrice and he answered my prayers all three times. He made me look at my life in a different perspective. He showed me that there's still hope. He held onto me when I needed someone terribly. Some people might say that I'm deceiving myself, it's all a psychological thing, if it is so, then let it be.

The third time I prayed to god, I told him life was really tough for me and I'm breaking down, I needed someone to change my life, someone who will love me and be with me, for who I am. He answered to my prayer and sent me an angel. I met someone that totally changed my life. Someone that brought love, hope and happiness into my life. Someone who taught me to have faith in life, someone who truly loves me, someone that I've always been looking for.

And for this, I thank god.

Life is getting better, this is the best term break I've ever had the entire nineteen years of my life. It's also the time when I've decided to have faith in god. I've became happier. :)

Lies after lies

To me, you were fine. You were really nice. You were like one of the best I've ever seen. I would talk to others about you, how awesome you are and all.

However good things don't last isn't it? Day by day, as I grew up, as time passes. I saw your YouTube account, you posted stuffs that weren't really nice to me, you said it was for you to gain subscribers, to gain views, to earn extra income. I thought, okay, perhaps that's the case. You were still that really fine person in my mind.

It was only till months after that , I realized that you are often searching for such things online to view, and to share with friends of yours. To me, it's hurting and disgusting. You weren't like what I thought you were . Spoke to you and i cried and you said you'll stop, you'll change. Once again, I trust you, yes, with all my heart.

Then I chance upon your phone, I saw a pretty prominent app. It's one app that you know it's really not appropriate to have on your phone. I spoke to you about it and you claimed you downloaded it out of curiosity. I was disappointed once more. I chose to forgive and continue on like usual.

Then here comes another day I chance upon your browser history and found out what websites you were viewing, those websites that you promised me that you'll stop visiting, those promises that you've given to me, you've broken them all, all over again. I told you how disappointed I was this time round, in your face, seriously, and you asked for my forgiveness. And yes, i gave in again. Once again, I let it go. Believing that you won't break the promise again.

Then it was today, I chance upon your YouTube subscriber history again. You subscribed to some really really disgusting channels. It shows clearly that what you promised to me were just to coax me.

This time around, what are you going to tell me again?? I really wonder.

Lies after lies, broken promises . One after another. How much more can I trust you? If watching all these is really part of you, you're hooked to it, you don't watch it you will die, then don't give me stupid things like you will stop. Why leave me with empty promises. Why promise me when you know you're gonna break it?

Why hurt me when you are the closest to me?? Why lie?? You know how much it breaks my heart ?

It's heart wrenching, it's heartbreaking, it's disappointing, it's everything. Talking to you over this and crying over it doesn't seem to help anymore right??

Why do you lie? You're making me hate you, which I really don't want to. But why do you do things like that, why do you choose to hurt me?

I know haters are gonna feel happy after this post, they might be laughing their hearts out, but I really don't care. It's been so long since I posted something that's really close to my heart. I just need to write this down somewhere.

It's 2am now, I'm coughing like mad, with fever of 38 degrees, but yet I've got so much in my mind.

Perhaps I should stop caring.

I can't stop my tears from flowing now. :(

I want the best out of you, you mean everything to me.

Improvements In Life :)

Hi Lovelies !

How have you been ? Hopefully things are good for you guys !

Life have been good for me ! I'm happy to say that it's improving ! I'm starting to learn to love life more recently !

Joined a modeling competition, strived my best , BELIEVED and i managed to make it to the top ! I was so happy ! I will continue to strive harder, for my next dream !

Blog shop business is going real slow nowadays.

I have been studying a lot , trying to pull up my GPA to at least a reasonable one ! I've been regreting for not putting in much more effort last semester. Due to my results last semester, i'm unable to get into a local university for sure , no matter how much harder i am willing to work now for it ! :( Well, so now i'm destined to go to a private university ! Ahh well. All the expensive school fees !~  But i'm still holding on to this hope that i can get at least 3.8 by the end of three years ! haha !

I'm like studying everyday, doing all tutorials, i think i just became a 101% good student. LOL. I've never been so hardworking man ! haha, just hope this maintains. But all these hard work proved to worth it. I managed to score much better for my accounting. haha !

I've been trying my best to do sports at least once a week. I want to be pretty and slim , so i will strive hard for it ! Oh ya ! I took up tennis as well ! :) Bought a pink tennis racket, it looks so pretty and with my new super pretty pink nike shoes! Tennis is a super fun sport ! Moreover the skirts are like so pretty ! OMG ! haha ! I sound like i'm taking up tennis just because of the apparels and accessories that i can buy and use ! haha .

Hehe, so well, things are going really well for me ! Hopefully it can get even better as days goes by !

So i'm signing off now with pictures of myself, yes, haters gonna' hate ! haha !



p/s : Currently in Internet Web Technologies lesson, am dozing away. It's like pressing buttons session ! hahaha ! 

BYE LOVELIES <3 <3 <3

Till then......

life's lesson

Hey lovelies ,

It's been so long since i last posted something here.

Life's really busy, many things happened.

Flung my papers, trying my very best to make sure that I'm able to pull my grades to somewhere that can at least get me a place in a local university.

Haven't been talking much to friends ever since school started. Suddenly I feel gaps between my friends and I. Is it me or we just drifted.

But honestly I know partially its me who refused to speak up as well. I don't know why as well, somehow I'm becoming more and more closed-up.

No one seems to know why I'm working so hard. People sees it as I'm money minded, I'm forever trying to get more and more money so that I can afford more stuffs for myself.

Honestly, its not like this. And it irks me when people think like this.

If I just needed money to buy all the stuffs I need, I could've been a spoilt girl and just ask from my parents every single day.

I have unspoken reasons, and reasons that I can't reveal here , so please don't judge.

I'm so tired of being judged and all, seriously, just screw it.

People see me as unfriendly, arrogant , or what ever, I can't be bothered anymore.

I just want to live my life well. I'm not here to satisfy everyone. Really.

Growing so tired of making everyone happy.

The sight of looking at pampered kids nowadays, throwing away food that they just don't like to eat because of one simple factor - the mushroom is uncooked, irks me. What a spoilt child.

Let me be honest, I totally despise kids like that. Hello ?! People in Africa is starving to death.

Looking at such children, I wonder how my future will be like.... Sigh.

However hard life is, no matter what I am going through, no matter how high my stress level is , I just got to be optimistic and move on, isn't it ?

Sigh. This is life....

All I know is that. I do things for a reason, I dont do things just for the sake of doing.

Friends, if I'm like unfriendly to you, please let me know.

There's really too many things happening, sometimes I can really be super unaware of my own actions.

So please...

Till then...

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The Decision......

All along , i've got this love for the entertainment industry.

Ever since young, i'll always be found at music schools, singing competitions, auditions,  the choir room, kbox , or perhaps dancing at home hahah !

But as time passed, i've slowly realised that i'll never be able to go far if i don't do anything with how i look.

I was overweight, and i look totally horrendous then.

Then i started losing hope and eventually totally forgotten about making any effort to pursue my future in the entertainment line.

However, I do not really remember when ( when i was in Secondary 3? ) , i started to take up intensive swimming every weekend, i lost a lot of excess weight. By the end of six months , i got to the skinniest moment of my life i guess, 45kg.

Although i dropped to my ideal weight, the thought of going back to join competition was never there anymore.

Till a year ago, some japanese company started up this certain event that invite girls to send in their pictures to see if they are of standard to be chosen to be part of the event.

It got me really interested.

Don't ask me about the reason , i really don't know . haha !

Approximately three weeks ago, this certain event started to invite girls to send in their photos and details to try to get into the yearly event.

My brother was the one that showed me the audition form, i told my closest friends and families about that.

Few encouraged me to try it out , but majority of them discouraged me due to the working environment that i might be working in the next time i get in. Some of them felt that the environment will not be suitable for me at all.

After weeks of hesitation and consideration about what i really want, i've just sent in my audition form to the organization .

I really really hope i'll receive good news soon to ask me over for the interview.

I want this to be the start of the turning point of my life.

I've never done anything big in my life for myself except for my blogshop. I swear to myself, this shall be the time, i'll start striving for the dreams of my life !

Ganbatte Yumi :)

Exams !

Exams are drawing near, in fact it's tomorrow.

Oh god, i've been really really slack.

Been doing everything and studying the least i guess.

At least that's how i see myself. hahaha.

SBM's really really stress, thanks to the foreign talent i have to be so stress.

I have to secure at 3.9 in order to get into the local university i guess.

Which is like almost impossible already.

Anyway, life's been real good ! :)

Just that i've been falling sick more frequent these days, awwwh ! :(

I just came back from cruise !! It's really really awesome.

Went shopping at KL as well ! 

Anyway , this is just a really really short update.

A rather dull one , anyway, i'm going off to study already.

Love ya guys ! :) 
 

Dominant , Fierce , Unfriendly.

Life's really fine these days.

School started, projects are overwhelming .

Work is tiring , pushing myself to think of more new business ideas :(

I'm both mentally and physically tired.

Hearing more and more about people judging me these days.

haha , yeah this is always happening to me.

But i've grown to face it positively i guess...i hope so.

Here's how i feel.. i'm so going to just blabbler everything out now, here yes.

Heard of haters hating me , and people disliking me just because of my face :)

Wow, isn't it hilarious ?

Well, they did not even speak to me at all before and they start spreading that they hate me etc etc.

hmm, or perhaps hate is too strong a word to describe , perhaps it's dislike.

Well,

Firstly, you guys claim you guys dislike me just because you see my face and you guys find that i'm unfriendly , not sociable , fierce and kiam pa.

HMM...... 

I really really envy you guys. How do you guys even know how a person's personality is when you didn't even speak to the person before ? I really want to learn how you guys do it !

I'm born with this face, so i get haters for so many years, it's just mainly because of my face ?

HELLO ?! I'm born with it.

Yes i know , people have commented that if i don't smile , i look like i want to kill people.

But you guys don't expect me to smile when there's nothing on right ?

Most of the time , i have so many things i'm thinking about on my mind, i just don't smile , to you guys out there, that's fierce ?! Arrogant ?! Not friendly ?!

Look at face you guys can see ? Sigh


It's like you're looking at a bowl of TOM YAM soup , looking so clear and saying that it's not spicy at all :) 

I mean if you guys spoke to me before , you guys say i'm arrogant , fierce, unfriendly , then it make sense, but i really really really DON'T UNDERSTAND how you guys judge me, by my face ?!

Now i'm saying this, friends close to me will know this ,

When i'm sad, i'm angry, i'm arrogant , i'm fierce, i hate someone , i'm disappointed, i'm thinking of something , perhaps even when i'm having constipation , as long as i'm not smiling ..... MY KIAM PA FACE LOOK THE SAME !!! 

Omg , please ! It just doesn't make sense at all ! :(

Secondly, 

It's because of how i wear ?

Come on , it's not like i wear spaghetti top and hot pants to school ?!

Just that i dress a little differently, does not mean i'm arrogant and hard to get along right ?

I love japan stuffs, i import dresses / apparels from overseas to wear , means i'm fierce , not friendly and hard to get along ?

Seriously, what's with you guys ? Or is it really just because of my face ?! Sigh.

I have unique and different taste from you guys , i love flowery, dollish , cute, lacy dresses and accessories , it meant i'm acting cute ?! Then what are japanese girls ?!

OMG!

I don't like wearing black tight body hugging dresses means i'm unsociable ?

I hate clubbing , does that mean i'm not part of this world ?! 

What's with all these ? Really.

Sigh......

I know people are telling me to let all these pass , we can't possibly satisfy everyone , but what i'm hearing is really not very nice.

Things like i'm living under sugar daddy's money, things like i'm just bimbo with big boobs and no brains, things like i have the stupid mix brat face, things like everything i'm having are provided by men .

HELLO !

Wake up you idea can ? Please ?

All the money i'm spending are either from my parents / my own blogshop hard earned money .

Please...if i had a sugar daddy, will i be rushing all my orders everyday , worrying if my blogshop have customers ?!

So what if i carry branded stuffs ? I earned them cents by cents alright :(

Why do you guys stereotype ?!

Or is it that because you guys are doing it to get hands on those branded stuffs that you guys are holding on to ?! 

Those that know me , knows how much i would sacrifice just for them. No matter how tired i am , i will call / text them to ask how are they and if they needed my help.

This is not friendly, arrogant, fierce, not sociable ?!

I might be busy and i may not be able to attend gatherings, but my heart is always with them , sigh .

Here's something....

I'm not arrogant , unfriendly, fierce, it's just my face.

I'm born with it, if you have not talked / interacted with me, you don't have the rights to judge me and start spreading rubbish.

To those who added on and aid in spreading , i feel sad for you , you don't have your own stand , your own mind. You guys are worst than robots. Did they programmed you ? You don't have your own mind ?

Sigh ,

My dear lovelies, please believe me.

Why, why am i always misunderstood , just because of my face that always seem angry ?

I'm unable to choose it too can I ? :(

ps . Come and talk to me, really. I promise ,those are rubbish.. :(