A letter to heaven....

It's your birthday today. (11:59pm)

How are you up there?

I believe this day is a day will be filled with emotions for all your loved ones.

It's been near 10 months since you left us, and you're still in our thoughts.

There are way too many regrets in life when i think about you.

Even till the last time we met up, i was quarreling and arguing with you about how we actually broke off and who actually caused the relationship to crumble, even after so many years.

I'm sorry for always being so childish and all the stuffs i've done to you.

You were a great friend, an awesome ex boyfriend to me then.

There's just so many things that i want to tell you that's in my head that i want to talk to you about but i just don't know how to pen down.

Those times you spent bringing me to new places, nice food places, and countless movies we have watched together and those countless Saturdays that we spent swimming together.

I still remember how you would bring a thermal flask filled with hot milo along with you when you know we are going swimming because my mum told you i have asthma and that i would need to take a cup of hot milo after swimming. You're just so thoughtful and caring to me then.

Perhaps i was too young then, i didn't know how to appreciate you.

Those day when you will whip up a nice meal for me right after school and attend chocolate making classes with me, they are all fond memories of you that i have.

I've never told you how much i appreciated you.

You're my first love, and you've left this world permanently, but what i'm glad is that you left this world doing something that you love and have a great passion for; cycling.

And yes, you were the one who taught me cycling as well.

I still remember how you slowly let go of me and tell me "you're doing great, see you know how to cycle ma!"

It's just so heart warming.

You're actually a nice man with a nice heart, you brought me into volunteer work, i still remember the first volunteer work that we did together was for the children's society, we had to bring 30 children out to the botanic gardens, we were both doing logistics. haha.

Well, when i think about it now, our dates are very well spent. We do sports, hit the movies, cook together, game together, do volunteer work together and attend culinary lessons together. Oh so drama, that was 7 close to 8 years back.

Honestly, i still miss you at times. And i do admit that i am still not over your death. Thinking about you, i cried on the train today, uncontrollably....

I hope that up there in heaven, you had your awesome birthday celebration and had your favorite strawberry cake and strawberry ice cream :)

Happy birthday, to you, in heaven......